ABOUT MARRIAGE: GENTLENESS BETWEEN PARTNERS

Wednesday, March 25, 2009 | 5:39 am

Some people try to enshroud sex with all sorts of mystique. Some try to make it look ugly, dirty, and associate it with greed, lust, promiscuity, disease, and so on. Perhaps these ideas are right under certain circumstances. But within the marriage bond, sex should be regarded as part of life, something physically available that can be enjoyed to the full extent.

With youth on your side, when your hormonal system is working to full capacity, as it certainly is in most couples of average marriageable age, this is the best time to make the most of what you have available.

But as everything else should be shared in a kindly manner, this applies to sex also. It is not there merely for the grabbing. Self-gratification by one partner to the complete disregard for the other will only bring ultimate unhappiness. Each should think of the other, their needs, their likes and dislikes, their mental and physical attitudes. It may take some time to work all this out, for the sexual prowess and capabilities of each will vary. It is an aspect that must be worked at, like all other aspects of married life.

It takes time, gentleness, persuasion. However, if each considers the needs and wants of the other, very soon an admirable sexual adjustment can be worked out.

The male who wants to indulge in intercourse every night, have his orgasm and roll over and be asleep in five minutes flat while his ever-loving wife is still somewhere up in the clouds waiting to achieve a climax of her own is thoughtless in the extreme. This situation is not likely to last indefinitely. One day she might just opt out and say, “I’ve had enough, young fellow. Life was meant for me to enjoy a bit of the cake too.” And he comes home from work one day and she is gone!

Don’t snigger and say, “What’s he talking about? Rubbish and nonsense.”

The hard, cold fact is that practically nearly every smashed-up marriage in this country (and every country for that matter) has sexual incompatibility as the basic cause. It goes by all sorts of strange names: “Mental cruelty,” “thoughtlessness,” “he beat me up,” “he was unkind,” “there were money problems.”

But look behind the scenes. Clear away the euphemisms, and usually (say about 90 per cent of the time, plus a little) sexual incompatibility, or downright pigheadedness, foolishness and selfishness at the sexual level are the basic causes.

It is food for thought. This will be dealt with in greater detail later on. It is mentioned at this point for its importance. Sexual compatibility is essential for a happy, long-lasting marriage. Sharing, consideration and being thoughtful and considerate of your partner are the basics of success in this field.

*11/76/5*