Archive for April 7, 2009
THE HARMONIOUS COUPLE – CASES OF HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIPS (AL AND BETTY)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 | 5:36 am“There’s some kind of primitive bond there that we don’t understand, but which keeps us united and contented,” Betty says.
“Whatever it is, it works,” Al adds. “Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke, as the saying goes.”
If there is one common thread in all of these happy marriages it is the willingness of both marital partners to look at and take responsibility for their own contribution to any conflicts. I have stressed throughout this book, both directly and indirectly through the kinds of games I have devised, how essential it is for both partners to be able to work through defensive postures that prevent resolution. Unfortunately, many people are convinced that their point of view is right; to give up their defensive postures means being willing to acknowledge—at least partially—that they are wrong.
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(posted in Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction)
GAMES FOR ABSTINENT COUPLES – GAME 5: MYSTERY LOVER (PART 3)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 | 5:31 amThis poem is followed by little gifts that arrive in the mail, and more flowers—and of course more letters:
“Dear Lady, I wish I could know what you are thinking right now. I wish I could know the passion that lurks inside you, the secret passion that few have known, the passion that yearns for expression. Perhaps this is presumptuous of me, but I do think I know you—know you better than you might imagine anybody could. I know that there’s a lot of love inside you, and that that love has often been misunderstood. I think you need somebody who would truly understand you and give you all the space you need to blossom. I think I could be that person, but I don’t know if you’d trust me enough to give me the chance. I’m not asking for much at first—just friendship, the chance to prove I care. I do know that if you give me the chance, I’d love to love you as you’ve never been loved before—with profound understanding of your every sensitivity. Lately, I have had fantasies of revealing myself to you, but I’m still too shy. So I content myself watching you from afar, and with imaginings of you, picturing your thoughtful, wry smile and your eyes looking at me with your typically pointed gaze. . . . Someday!—Your Mystery Lover.”
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(posted in Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction)
GAMES FOR POLITICALLY OR MORALLY CORRECT COUPLES – GAME 1: POLITICALLY CORRECT SEX (PART 2)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 | 5:25 am“But even if you ask me, you might be asking me in order to appease a dominant male—and hence it will still be rape.” “True.”
“Asking wouldn’t be enough. I think you’d have to beg me to have sex, and perhaps take an oath that your desire for sex has nothing to do with wanting to appease me or submit to male domiance but rather has to do with your wish to gratify your own desire.”
“That may be right.”
“So, start begging.”
“Get real!”
This conversation may be repeated numerous times until the wife somehow convinces the husband that she indeed wants to have sex and that the sex is solely to gratify her own desire for him. At that point the actual sexual encounter begins. Throughout this encounter, the husband continues to be exaggeratedly considerate of the wife’s feminist stand.
“Would you prefer to undress yourself, or would you like me to undress you?”
“I’ll undress myself, thank you.”
“Should we lie side by side, so as to be on an equal basis?” “All right.”
“Or would you prefer to get on top, as a kind of affirmative-action sex?”
“Side by side is fine.”
“Excuse me. I touched your breast.”
“It’s all right.”
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(posted in Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction)
GAMES FOR ANGRY COUPLES – GAME 3: HOW DO I HATE THEE? (PART 3)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 | 5:19 amAfter they have completed this part of the exercise, they take turns saying the same thing to themselves. “How do I hate myself? Let me count the ways.” The wife might say, “I hate myself because I’m always so angry and bent out of shape. I hate myself because I’m so oversensitive. I hate myself for rejecting you sexually all the time.” And the husband might say, “I hate myself because I can’t get an erection. I hate myself because I feel like a failure. I hate myself for being so passive.”
The game allows each not only to verbalize the anger that they’ve been acting out, but also to get in touch with and verbalize the anger at themselves of which they are usually less aware. Having them do the exercise while in the act of love-making serves to bring out the erotic elements that attach to the anger, and the sexual atmosphere softens the anger and helps them work through it.
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(posted in Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction)
GAMES FOR IMPULSIVE COUPLES – GAME 5: ONE-NIGHT STAND (PART 2)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 | 5:06 amThe couple is therefore instructed to go to a lodging for the weekend and “pick each other up” as if they were meeting for the first time. They are encouraged to dress like a single play-girl and playboy, whatever that label conjures up for them. The game might start in the hotel’s bar on Saturday evening. The man comes into the bar and spots the woman sitting alone. He sallies forth, smiling confidently.
“Excuse me,” he says. “Would you mind if I join you?”
“No, not at all.”
“Thanks. May I buy you another drink?” “Why not?”
“You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way— but you really have beautiful eyes.”
“Oh, thank you. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but you have terrific buns.”
“You know, you remind me of somebody. Somebody I once fell in love with.”
“Oh, really? You know, now that I think of it, you also remind me of somebody I once fell in love with.”
“Isn’t that remarkable?”
“I’ll say!”
“Cheers!”
“To your sexual health!”
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(posted in Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction)